The light, the liquor, the girl.
..And thats when I saw her sitting there, she too was alone. There was such a way the light reflected off of this one. I couldn’t stop staring in her direction. I studied closely while she reveled in her liquor and solitude. No fake smiles, no forced laughs, no useless small talk, just her and her drink.
I calculated ways to approach her, it couldn’t be cheesy, it had to be almost accidental. As I watched, she began to dig though her purse, and pulled out a smoke. This was my chance. I grabbed my pint glass, dumped the remaining beer down my throat, and went for the door. When I got outside, I noticed her searching for her lighter. Nothing is worse than a cigarette hanging out of your mouth and no fire to light it. I walked up to her, grabbed mine from my shirt pocket, sparked it for her and said,
“Hi, I’m Travis”
I’m very lucky in the fact that I only remember the good times, mostly because I was shitfaced during all the bad ones.
I’m going to start conserving every last exertion of affection that I can muster up for things like: movies, music, books, experiences actually worth having, my own/other people’s creativity, and inanimate/insentient objects. Cause right now I’M FUCKING WASTING IT.
The minutes crawl while the days fly by
Where did the past two weeks go? It’s almost as if I fade in and out of consciousness for unknown amounts of time. Looking back, it’s all kind of a blur. I have kind of been on an anything binge recently. I wonder if that has something to do with it..
What I need is a Dr Gonzo to my Raoul Duke.
I feel chained and shackled right now sitting at my desk. I didn’t even think I had to work today, so I ended up being pretty late. Today is my first day back in over a week. I had bronchitis last week so I missed a few days. Well let me tell you what, IT FUCKING SUCKS TO BE BACK. I thought I was starting to get a little bored and stir crazy after having all that time off, and I thought that coming back to work would be sort of a relief. WRONG! I want to throw my computer on the floor, light a fire, pick up my chair, throw it through the window and just run for my car.
I’ve come to the conclusion that my feelings of boredom weren’t simply because I didn’t have anyone to hang out with. Sure, maybe there are people that I could have spent my time with, but they wouldn’t want to be doing the types of things that I want to be doing, and vice versa. Like for example, I want to go get fucked up and walk around a museum, we could get blazed and go up to the mountains, do a little snowboarding, or we could go shoot some 9-ball down at the bar. All those things are cool, the only problem is they aren’t quite as fun when you’re by yourself. It seems I don’t really know anyone else that is actually into the things that I’m into anymore. Maybe everyone grew up. I don’t know. What I do know is that I don’t need a girlfriend, I need a partner in crime, someone to watch my back, and have fucked up adventures with.
What I need is, a Dr Gonzo to my Raoul Duke.
Dr Gonzo could totally be a girl though.
I need a new love interest
I don’t understand this basic human desire/need to have someone from the opposite sex (or same sex if you’re gay) care for you, want to spend time with you, and think about you. Just because I don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It’s staring me right in the face. I know exactly why I’m in a good mood sometimes, and why other times I’m in a horrible mood , it definitely all comes down to this one thing.
The last “love interest” I had did a pretty good job at filling the void that the one before her had left behind. Not quite an exact fit for the gaping hole in my chest, but it covered most of the vacancy. Regardless, this person I speak of was never really “mine” in the first place, she probably never will be. It’s bittersweet to spend time with her, knowing that I’m not even a second choice. Friendzoned forever. I don’t blame her, she’s definitely a 10 that deserves to be with a 10. She’s a good friend with a good heart, and that’s all I’ll say about her.
I just need someone worthy of me wasting my time/money/energy on. Someone who will put as much effort into whatever it is we have as I do. She does’t have to be gorgeous, as a matter of fact, I’d prefer she wasn’t. Dudes are slimey as fuck and the moment I turn my back another one would be trying to fuck her. No, I want a plain girl. One that’s rad as fuck to hang out with. One who likes to do shit that I like to do so I don’t feel like I’m dragging them around with me everywhere.
I’ve tried filling the void with drugs and alcohol, or maybe I was just trying to numb the sting, but at the end of it all, I’d still wake up sober. Sober with nothing but anger, depression, and regret.
The months fly right by, but every day seems to have slowed to an agonizing crawl.
Life is stagnant as fuck right now. I hate my job, I hate the people I work with. I hate my living situation. I have this plan of moving away to Colorado and leaving everything that I know behind. Clean slate. Reset. Call it whatever you want, things just seem to run at a different pace out there. I’m pretty sure I’m set up with a job and a place to live, and I do have some family out there, well not someone I see often, but he’s a really rad dude. A cousin. I don’t know, something needs to happen though, the situation that I’ve got going on right now is definitely not working for me. There’s that quote, “If you don’t like something in your life, change it.” Well I don’t really like anything in my life so I guess I’m gonna have to change it all.
Reprioritizing my life..
1. Get my VW van running again.
2. Live in my van..
3. There is no number 3.
Anarchy in the US
It’s infuriating to see just how fucked this country’s policies have become in the last century. And worst of all, there’s nothing we can do about it. The same misinformed public will just go on living their lives as if nothing is wrong.I CALL BULLSHIT. I’M NOT A FUCKING SHEEP. Stop getting all of your bullshit ideals from Fox and NBC news, these are enormous corporations that do not have your best interest in mind. Quit just repeating what some mindless dildo says on TV as your own beliefs.
Educate yourself as to what’s really going on.
Whats with all the glittery gifs? Who designed your tumblr theme, Tom from Myspace? Get that shit out of here..
Man, I really wanna go snowboarding right now. I haven’t been traveling up to the mountain too often these past few years, I used to go all the time. I miss that shit. Bombing down steep ass slopes is one of the most exhilarating things I can do in my very un-exhilarating world. Its not just about that though, it’s getting out there and being active while most people usually shacked up inside for a few months and with a dash of depression, and never leave their cozy little homes. Not me man, I wanna be out there. I wanna be manipulating the force of gravity, nature, and the laws of physics to hurl myself down an massive decline in the earth’s surface at speeds you probably wouldn’t be comfortable with on a bicycle. Yeah, this winter is gonna be RAD AS FUCK.
Some mornings I just wanna blow a fat line of pure uncut coffee grounds.
GIMMIE THAT BEAN SON!
I saw the word “ignant” typed out today. You are the fucking definition.
I’ve been trying to complain a lot less and change my point of view whenever I get pissed off. I think I’ve been doing pretty good. There are just so many real things to be angry at in this world to pay attention to the mundane day to day shit.
If I’m certain of anything in this world its that I need a Power Rangers costume to hang out in when I go out and to wear to work.
THAT’S whats missing from my life.